90th Anniversary? But We Look So Young!

Yesterday was Women’s Equality Day, and the 90th anniversary of women’s suffrage. Of course, lots of women are still suffering, but that’s not important right now…


So to celebrate this momentous occasion, the venerable Ellen Goodman emerged, if only briefly, from her retirement, to bestow the “Equal Rites Awards—Acknowledging those who have done the most to set back women’s rights over the last year.” I believe that if she sees her shadow, we will have six more weeks of absurdity.

Goodman points out that it took 90 years to get three women on the Supreme Court, but if you still count Diana Ross, that’s four. What? What’d I say?

Anyhoo, space prohibits me from telling you about all her awardees, (yeah, space and copyright laws), but here are a few of my favorites:

The International Ayatollah Award went to a senior Iranian cleric who stated that women who “do not dress modestly” cause earthquakes. Really. And oil rig explosions cause hurricanes. (Not really.)

Then she gave a Blind Justice Award to Rome’s all-male clerics who declared that ordaining women is as grave a crime in church law as pedophilia. Well, it seems to me, Ellen, that since they don’t seem to punish pedophilia much, this may have been less damning than you thought.

Mel Gibson (ah yes, he is in the news again!) got the Raging Hormonal Imbalance Award for his eight-minute audio-taped rant telling his ex-girlfriend that she needs “a bat to the head”. Gosh, like Charlie Sheen, should we just wait until they actually kill some woman? Oops, I didn’t mean to get started…

The Male-Practice Award went to Bob Marshall, a Virginia legislator who says that disabled children are God’s punishment for women who had an abortion. Really? God punishes CHILDREN for women’s abortion? That doesn’t sound like the loving God that holds us in the palm of His hand to me?

And my personal favorite, the Northern Irish, pro-family, 60-year old female politician who had an affair with a 19-year old. And unbelievably, her name is Mrs. Robinson. Iris Robinson, and like Dave Barry, I swear I am not making this up. She was given the Dubious Equality Award for the woman who has done the most to emulate the worst.

So it was nice to have Ellen Goodman back on the Op-Ed page, if only for a day. I hope she saw her shadow. We could use more laughs.

Thanks and Merci!

Here’s a travel-delayed, overdue message of sincere and profound thanks to two fabulous bloggers for awards they generously bestowed on me last week.


First to the amazing Cleo at Wemmicks-in-Training, many thanks for the Honest Abe award! I’m flattered, really I am! I shall try to live up to your generous gift! (--while I try to stop overusing exclamation points [wait for it] !

And secondly to my hero Anne-Marie over at Anne-Marie With a Dash, my endless gratitude for the Honest Scrap award! I’m truly delighted that you saw fit to honor me with this outstanding prize!

So now, I ask myself, what’s the recurring theme here? Yes, Grasshoppers. It is the “Honest” modifier. I suppose this means I should stop making stuff up. Which is fine, because usually the real stuff is funnier than what I could come up with anyway.

But go visit these wonderful blogs! You will not be disappointed, I assure you.

Thanks, Anne-Marie (merci!) and Cleo! I mean it, ya know…

My Blog Is Fabulous?

My heartfelt thanks to Nancy at f8hasit for bestowing the lovely Your Blog Is Fabulous award on me! I’m truly honored, because Nancy is no ordinary blogger. Her writing is truly extraordinary, and I’m consistently amazed at her work. So thanks, Nancy, and I’ll be carrying out the responsibilities of this award next week! Stay tuned…

Grateful, But Not Dead

Well, my much-admired buddy from down under, Matthew at Abode One Three has seen fit to grace me with the “Honest Scrap” award! I’m totally blushing, and wondering if this is how President Obama felt when he heard from the Nobel Committee.

Which reminds me, shouldn’t the guy who invented the door knocker have been the one to win the No-bell Peace Prize? I’m just saying…

Anyway, a thousand thanks to you, Matthew, whose writing consistently blows me away. I (and your legion of followers) can only hope you are working on some tome of fiction or memoir for us to glom onto in the near future.

In accordance with the rules of the award, I am now required to tell you ten things you don’t know about me.

1. If I had been born a boy, I would have been named Samuel David, for my mom’s brother who died at age 14 of meningitis. He was her only sibling, five years older than she, and his death forever changed their mother and father. There are no photos of my grandmother smiling after he died. (She died long before I was born, so I have only these scraps of evidence.)

2. If I had been born a girl, --oh, wait, never mind. So I got the middle name ‘Sue’ as a proxy for the Samuel. My gender was only the first of innumerable disappointments I provided for my parents. Oh well… Bygones, I suppose.

3. The only pet we ever had growing up was a parakeet named Bingo. He was one of those beautiful blue guys, who sang like a, well—a bird, but to my mother’s never-ending chagrin, he didn’t speak a word. She even played a record on the hi-fi (remember—I am old!) meant to teach parakeets to speak, but Bingo did not enroll in that class. I think it really bugged her because her aunt’s parakeet said so many phrases. “Morning, Bessie!” when she uncovered his cage in the morning.

4. I’m a big Scrabble fan, and love to play with my kids when they are around. My husband won’t play with me, isn’t a big fan of games at all, but we discovered Scrabble Slam, a card (per)version of the game that we played last week in Sacramento, and he had a ball, too! Hooray—a breakthrough!

5. Speaking of games, I play bunco once a month with a terrific group of friends. My daughter asks me about the game, and I explain that it’s not the game, it’s the people. This is a corollary to “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.” Anyway, it’s an absurdly simple game played with dice (not gambling, though) and it’s a wonderful chance to gather with people who you otherwise might not get time to see. We laugh and joke and carry on, and there are snacks involved. (Where women gather…) And we finish the night off with dessert! I promised the gang last night that I’m going to blog about bunco soon, so stay tuned!

6. I live on a cul-de-sac we like to call Divorce Court. Four out of the five families here are in second marriages, or at least into serious relationships that followed a divorce. We let the other couple (the ones who’ve been married since time began) stay as tokens, though, just because we are an equal opportunity cul-de-sac.

7. I am apparently a squirrel magnet. I’ve had squirrels in my attic in my previous house, ditto in this house. They may look cute, clambering up a tree, but believe me these guys can do serious damage. We’re talking big bucks to get them removed from the premises, and more bucks to repair the holes they chew in the siding, soffit, etc. Why do they love me so? Actually, “Squirrels in My Attic” sounds like a good name for my autobiography…

8. I’m an inveterate seamstress (I only use that word because ‘sewer’ as in ‘one who sews’ looks like the word ‘sewer’, as in ‘waste disposal’. I love all things fabric, and once upon a time I used to make most of my own clothes. In fact, I just returned from a trip to one of my favorite fabric stores (Raspberry Patch Quilt Shop—hi, Donna and Lyna!) where I picked up a few pieces to add to my stash. You know what they say, she who dies with the most fabric wins. I need more time to sew and quilt… If only I could learn to function on four hours of sleep a night…

9. The specter of Alzheimer’s looms large, and so to ward it off, I not only do crossword puzzles, Sudoku and kakuro puzzles, I have taken to memorizing more epic poetry as time goes on. Some of you may recall from an earlier post my recounting of memorizing “The Cremation of Sam McGhee”. Well, after that I took on “Dangerous Dan McGrew”, “The Day is Done” and “The Raven”. I live in hope that these mental exercises will protect me from the disease that destroyed my mom in her 60s, and eventually killed her.

10. I DO in fact know the meaning of TMI, so I’m done. Now to post this before THIS day is done!

I pass the award on to the following worthy recipients: (This is so difficult because there are so many wonderful blogs out there-- and some of them already have this award, but hey, here goes anyway...) Thanks to all of you for the witty, poignant, insightful, heartwarming or wacky (as the case may be) reading!

Kathy at The Junk Drawer
Debbie at Suburb Sanity
Lora at Fever
GG and SG at Gay Guy – Straight Guy
Beth at So the Fish Said
Whispering Writer at Airing My Dirty Laundry—one sock at a time

I'm a Kreative Blogger! Who Knew?

Today I owe a debt of gratitude to the lovely Judi at Lines Composed for the “Kreative Blogger” award she bestowed upon me Sunday! I’m quite excited and delighted. (Relax, the poetry ends here.)

So Judi states the rules as these:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award. (check)
2. Link to that person’s blog. (check)
3. Copy the logo to your blog. (any minute now)
4. List seven things about yourself that your readers might not know. Hm...
5. Nominate seven new recipients of the award. (Easy.)
6. Post links to their sites.
7. Leave comments so they know they’ve won.

Okay, I can do this, so here come seven things you might not know about me.

1. I am short. Not just a little short, or medium short, but really short, like 5’ 1”. I used to be 5’ 2 ¾”, but I am shrinking, like most women “of a certain age”. When my husband says we’re going to live into our 90s, I say, “If we do, I’ll be three and a half feet tall!” This becomes more significant if I let you know that the hub is 6’ 4”. Yeah. A redwood.

2. Unlike most of my compadres, I love to cook. I’m addicted to America’s Test Kitchen (the PBS cooking show) and their magazine Cooks Illustrated. I have a season pass for ATK on my Tivo, and still buy the books and the DVDs. Is there a 12-step program for this? I’ve never made anything from their cookbooks or website that was anything short of spectacular. Seriously, it took me almost two hours to put together their meatloaf the first time I made it, but it was totally worth it. I know. Meatloaf. But really! I would not steer you wrong—you are my peeps.

3. I have a custom embroidery business. Yes, for the past ten years (“Since October 1999”) I’ve been the proud proprietor of a home-based operation that stitches corporate logos, club logos, or school mascots on shirts, bags, jackets, aprons, blankets, etc. I do a great job, if my customers aren’t just pulling my leg, and I love doing it. When I started, I was still employed full-time outside the home, and gradually built it up. Now I have two industrial-strength machines, and am my own third-world nation. I love all things related to stitching, so this is a natural for me.

4. In my previous incarnation I worked in healthcare. I did reimbursement analysis for a major hospital (850 beds), clinical department management at a major medical school, and worked the business side of more than one private practice. It was always interesting, often frustrating (ask me how I feel about insurance companies) and a pretty decent way to earn a living. I got to work with—and for—a lot of nice people. Also, a couple of total cretins who would have sold their own grandmothers to look good on any given occasion. (You know who you are!)

5. I am a news junkie, and get very emotionally involved in politics and world affairs. I’m keeping that out of my blog, because I want FITNY to be a place to go without a we/they yes/no black/white dividing line. I want us all to laugh together and enjoy our common ground.

6. I’m a remarried mother of two, step-mother of two. Together we have two sons and two daughters, all of whom are off on their own. Two married, two spoken-for. A 2 ½ year-old grandson who is the apple of my eye, and a nineteen-month old granddaughter who is the apple of my other eye! And I look forward to the new apples yet to come. (When I secure parental permission, you will see photos, hear names…) Our first marriages lasted 19 and 25 years, respectively, and we’ve been together for 14 now, so this is not the Brady Bunch. Only the youngest ever lived with the two of us. They are all great kids (not unbiased, but not untrue) who have paired off with other great kids!

7. I love coffee, chocolate and fresh peaches. I hate coffee that’s cold, weak or sweetened. I can’t tolerate cigarette smoke in any quantity, in any setting. But sometimes when I catch a little whiff on my way to the non-smoking section, I get a flashback to my parents. It’s like my madeleine… but don’t get me started on Proust.

I think I overwrote this, but tough nuggies, it’s my blog, and I can’t be stopped. I’m mad with power, apparently-- Bwah-hah-hah!

Now, on to the seven new recipients of the Kreative Blogger award!

1. Cate at show my face. Always puts a smile on my face—she has a great way with words!
2. Kellydiels.com Because when you want authentic—there she is. I’m stalking her, wish we could go for coffee together.
3. Greg at telling dad. Greg has it all together and isn’t afraid to share. I love reading Greg. He’s a cool (and responsible) dad and blogger!
4. Amanda at Confessions from household 6. It’s great reading about her family and her experiences on the military post; I feel like I know all of them.
5. Missy at Is It Just Me? Her banner alone is enough to make you love her. Check out her pithy subtitles!
6. Jess at I was told there would be bacon. Jess combines the edginess and the hilarity I’m always a sucker for. And there’s bacon, too—right?
7. Shana at Three Men and a Little Lady A dentist surrounded by the men in her family, fighting for her sanity. Or was it insanity? Or does it matter? She’s great.

So thanks again to Judi, and thanks to all these creative (now Kreative) bloggers who make it so much fun to read what they have to say!

And The Award Goes To...

Sunday night while a tiny percentage of the tv viewing audience (like me) were watching the Emmy Awards show (apparently the vast majority watched football), the lovely and always entertaining JennyMac at Let’s Have a Cocktail was busy bestowing some awards herself!

I was fortunate to be among the recipients of an “I Give Good Blog” award! Of course, we all know it’s an honor just to be nominated, and it’s not about winning, and gee, I was flattered just to be in the company of the other nominees, blah, blah, blah… Yeah, right. Face it—I’m ecstatic, and I didn’t even have to dress up and fix my hair. Just sittin’ around in my comfy little flip-flops, and boom—here’s your bling!

Thanks, JennyMac!

Now I’m not doing this for the awards… Heck, when I started, I didn’t even know there were awards for blogging. But it’s kind of like baseball. It’s a lot more fun when you’re doing well. So, hooray!

So JennyMac’s rule is that now I must give the award to four other worthy recipients. It’s hard to make such a weighty decision, because frankly, I’ve found some totally amazing writing in the blogosphere, and choosing four out of all the wondrous sites is a challenge. Plus, many of my favorites have already received this award, because there are so many astute readers out there!

Nonetheless and howsomever, here you go. My choices for the “I Give Good Blog” award are:

1. Doreen Orion at What Do You Want From Me? Wonderful tales of her travels with her husband in a tricked-out bus, and the stories about the book clubs with whom she meets! I meet lots of fabulous folks through her. (They don’t call her Queen of the Road for nothing!)

2. Kelly Diels at Kelly Diels.com Amazing and insightful journeys into her life and times; I wish she lived nearby—I’d try to meet her for coffee or lunch or to be her BFF/neighbor. This woman runs deep, and exudes inner and outer beauty.

3. Prerna Malik at The Mommy Writes A great job of combining writing info and advice and resources with her own slice of life—family and worldview. I love her voice!

4. The team at Fifty is the new… Everyone who writes here deserves her own award! They present beautiful and thought-provoking insights on a myriad of topics.

So that’s it for tonight folks. You all looked beautiful, we brought the show in under budget and under 500 words! Whew—let’s give our winners another big round of applause, and please drive home safely. Seat belts for everyone!