For English, Press 1

For English, press 1. For Spanish, lo siento de decirle que yo no le puedo ayudar. (I’m sorry to tell you that I can’t help you.)


I’ve been seeing some stuff on Facebook recently along the lines of “I shouldn’t have to press one for English, this is America!”

While I understand the frustration that leads to that sentiment, I must say that I’m not quite there yet. I’m far more impatient with the eight-level hierarchical menu of choices that I get when I call my doctor’s office. They start with a recording of their office hours, when they go to lunch, what holidays they observe, and the notification of the next twelve full moons. Then they launch into the series about who YOU are: “If you are a doctor’s office, press one. If you are a pharmacy, press two. If you are a drug rep, pick up pizza and salads for the sixteen of us, and stop by any time. If you are a patient, please stay on the line, as your call is important to us.” Then you are unceremoniously disconnected.

Anyhoo, I got the most curious document in the mail this week. It was from Ingenix, a company I swear I have never heard of until now. It contained a form letter that, in a nutshell, was trying to determine whether I had recently been in any kind of accident. You see, I had been having back pain, and my doctor (who I ultimately reached via smoke signals) ordered x-rays. Apparently, my insurance company, with whom I have had a very close personal relationship for at least five years, uses Ingenix to investigate claims they may not have to pay. You know, if I was getting x-rays because I had been in a car accident, or a street fight, Charming Insurance Company could disavow all responsibility for my care.

Here’s the connection to where we started this post. Right along with the letter asking me to supply all sorts of information about what happened (to wit, nothing) to justify the x-rays, there is an exact copy of the letter in Spanish.

Yes. In Spanish. To me, Leah Rubin. Not Leah Rubin Gonzales.

So I think that sending the form in two languages is pretty insane, unless they had a reason to believe that I needed to communicate in some language other than English. I mean, with a name like mine, they might as well have sent it in Russian, Yiddish, Hebrew, German, or Esperanto.

Especially since I’ve been with the same company for so long, with never a hint of inability to read and write in English… Oh… Unless they’ve been reading this blog, and they think I am illiterate. I hadn’t thought of that.

But really? We’re not killing enough trees? We’re not putting enough trash into the landfills? We’re not yet thinking about our carbon footprint enough to realize that maybe we shouldn’t send TWO copies of every form to our customers in two languages without some good reason?

Press ‘R’ for rant.

I'm a Kreative Blogger! Who Knew?

Today I owe a debt of gratitude to the lovely Judi at Lines Composed for the “Kreative Blogger” award she bestowed upon me Sunday! I’m quite excited and delighted. (Relax, the poetry ends here.)

So Judi states the rules as these:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award. (check)
2. Link to that person’s blog. (check)
3. Copy the logo to your blog. (any minute now)
4. List seven things about yourself that your readers might not know. Hm...
5. Nominate seven new recipients of the award. (Easy.)
6. Post links to their sites.
7. Leave comments so they know they’ve won.

Okay, I can do this, so here come seven things you might not know about me.

1. I am short. Not just a little short, or medium short, but really short, like 5’ 1”. I used to be 5’ 2 ¾”, but I am shrinking, like most women “of a certain age”. When my husband says we’re going to live into our 90s, I say, “If we do, I’ll be three and a half feet tall!” This becomes more significant if I let you know that the hub is 6’ 4”. Yeah. A redwood.

2. Unlike most of my compadres, I love to cook. I’m addicted to America’s Test Kitchen (the PBS cooking show) and their magazine Cooks Illustrated. I have a season pass for ATK on my Tivo, and still buy the books and the DVDs. Is there a 12-step program for this? I’ve never made anything from their cookbooks or website that was anything short of spectacular. Seriously, it took me almost two hours to put together their meatloaf the first time I made it, but it was totally worth it. I know. Meatloaf. But really! I would not steer you wrong—you are my peeps.

3. I have a custom embroidery business. Yes, for the past ten years (“Since October 1999”) I’ve been the proud proprietor of a home-based operation that stitches corporate logos, club logos, or school mascots on shirts, bags, jackets, aprons, blankets, etc. I do a great job, if my customers aren’t just pulling my leg, and I love doing it. When I started, I was still employed full-time outside the home, and gradually built it up. Now I have two industrial-strength machines, and am my own third-world nation. I love all things related to stitching, so this is a natural for me.

4. In my previous incarnation I worked in healthcare. I did reimbursement analysis for a major hospital (850 beds), clinical department management at a major medical school, and worked the business side of more than one private practice. It was always interesting, often frustrating (ask me how I feel about insurance companies) and a pretty decent way to earn a living. I got to work with—and for—a lot of nice people. Also, a couple of total cretins who would have sold their own grandmothers to look good on any given occasion. (You know who you are!)

5. I am a news junkie, and get very emotionally involved in politics and world affairs. I’m keeping that out of my blog, because I want FITNY to be a place to go without a we/they yes/no black/white dividing line. I want us all to laugh together and enjoy our common ground.

6. I’m a remarried mother of two, step-mother of two. Together we have two sons and two daughters, all of whom are off on their own. Two married, two spoken-for. A 2 ½ year-old grandson who is the apple of my eye, and a nineteen-month old granddaughter who is the apple of my other eye! And I look forward to the new apples yet to come. (When I secure parental permission, you will see photos, hear names…) Our first marriages lasted 19 and 25 years, respectively, and we’ve been together for 14 now, so this is not the Brady Bunch. Only the youngest ever lived with the two of us. They are all great kids (not unbiased, but not untrue) who have paired off with other great kids!

7. I love coffee, chocolate and fresh peaches. I hate coffee that’s cold, weak or sweetened. I can’t tolerate cigarette smoke in any quantity, in any setting. But sometimes when I catch a little whiff on my way to the non-smoking section, I get a flashback to my parents. It’s like my madeleine… but don’t get me started on Proust.

I think I overwrote this, but tough nuggies, it’s my blog, and I can’t be stopped. I’m mad with power, apparently-- Bwah-hah-hah!

Now, on to the seven new recipients of the Kreative Blogger award!

1. Cate at show my face. Always puts a smile on my face—she has a great way with words!
2. Kellydiels.com Because when you want authentic—there she is. I’m stalking her, wish we could go for coffee together.
3. Greg at telling dad. Greg has it all together and isn’t afraid to share. I love reading Greg. He’s a cool (and responsible) dad and blogger!
4. Amanda at Confessions from household 6. It’s great reading about her family and her experiences on the military post; I feel like I know all of them.
5. Missy at Is It Just Me? Her banner alone is enough to make you love her. Check out her pithy subtitles!
6. Jess at I was told there would be bacon. Jess combines the edginess and the hilarity I’m always a sucker for. And there’s bacon, too—right?
7. Shana at Three Men and a Little Lady A dentist surrounded by the men in her family, fighting for her sanity. Or was it insanity? Or does it matter? She’s great.

So thanks again to Judi, and thanks to all these creative (now Kreative) bloggers who make it so much fun to read what they have to say!