Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Graphs and Charts, Domestic-Style

Whose Ox is Being Gored?

Yeah, the hubster—you know, the Center of the Universe (CoTU), made an off-color, off-handed, off-planet remark that can’t be repeated in this PG-13 blog. I clucked my tongue, rolled my eyes, and he protested as follows:

“Hey, that’s pretty harsh—don’t forget, I supply you with about 70% of all the material you use in your blog!”

Yeah, well I sure can’t use that.

But now I wonder if he’s counting up the number of posts that stem from his little gem-like offerings, and creating a spreadsheet to keep track of the true percentages…

It wouldn’t surprise me.

I have long thought that our relationship is basically the equivalent of a science fair project for him. He says something offensive, and silently measures my response and/or reaction. If there’s no visible reaction, he ramps up the O&O-factor (Offensive and Obnoxious) till I break. It may just be a look, a rolling of the eyes, or a subtle shaking of the head. The verbal responses just tend to escalate the insanity, egging him on to defend his frat-boy comments. Thus I often opt for the silence I have perfected over the years. It’s so much simpler that way.

Still, I believe that somewhere in the house, perhaps under the bed, perhaps behind his desk, there’s a display board complete with graphs and charts, recording for all time how many crude comments it takes to get a rise out of me. There are the short-term responses and the longer-term trends. It’s likely titled, “Driving Leah Crazy, One Crack at a Time”.


  1. What is it with men that they try to get a rise out of us?

  2. My husband just doesn't get that some of his jokes don't work when you're talking to your WIFE! He'll make jokes about big boobs or something and I'll end up saying, "So you like those fake HUGE boobs" and he'll realize I'm not one of his guy friends. I have come to the conclusion that some men just don't know how to talk to women!

  3. It is best that we keep our husbands apart.
    They never progress socially past 4th grade, you know.

  4. Does he give out tips?
    *gets note book and pencil ready in anticipation*