Monday, December 7, 2009

The Ten Deadly Warning Signs

As it has been written:

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
I am my mother after all.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The Chenille Sisters do a fabulous song called, “Help! I’m Becoming My Parents”. They cleverly point out that while we love and admire them, we never thought we would actually turn out to be just like them. When it turns out that we are, we are not happy about it.

I’d like to think that I’m still in my prime –okay, I’d like to think that I sing like Susan Boyle, too, and that’s just another false fantasy—but I must admit that I see signs that I may be evolving (or devolving) into the people who gave me life. As a public service, I’d like to provide a list of the ten deadly warning signs of what I like to call Generational Creep.

1. You are no longer comfortable driving at night.
2. Some desserts are “too rich”. (See footnote: “Alka-Seltzer as a nightcap”)
3. Your idea of the perfect Saturday night is staying home.
4. You are preoccupied with your digestive tract.
5. You think other people are interested in your digestive tract.
6. You have at least one sibling you don’t speak to.
7. You need an afternoon nap in order to stay up for Letterman.
8. You worry about your children’s health insurance.
9. You think your children should be worried about your health insurance.
10. You want Velcro on your tennis shoes.

I think people my age are going to fight this “senior citizen” status till we’re blue in the face, even if it means shunning the all-important senior discount. We grew up in the ‘60s, and we invented sex, drugs and rock and roll. Of course, one look at Mick Jagger on stage should serve as a reminder that we are no longer young and vital. Maybe we can settle for “aging and vital.” Maybe we can settle for “we still have our own teeth.”

All I know is that it’s a slippery slope, and once you start putting pills into a 7-day compartmentalized container, you can just about bend over and kiss your youth, heck, kiss middle-age goodbye. And if you can stand up straight after that, the Motrin’s on the second shelf.


  1. I hope I never turn out like my mother... I will not go into detail about her though. I do notice 'old age' symptoms creeping up on me, however I still firmly believe that I am not old. (only 32 right now). I'll be old when I say I'm old, regardless of the fact that my body tells me differently! :)

  2. If I say 'this will never happen' enough times.... will I get my wish?

    Point me in the direction of the devil would you? I have a sizeable bribe I'd like him to have...

  3. Hi Leah, I ticked a few of those boxes. Hmmm. I'm not supposed to grow old; like Matthew, I made a pact. I have a key buried at a crossroads someplace in Alabama. This is worrying. Pass the glucosamine, won't you? Indigo

  4. Well sheesh, if putting your pills in a 7 day container means you're old, I've been old for 8 years now LOL. I even have one that has morning and night compartments because I can't remember which doses I took.

  5. You mean I'm going to end up like my mother? :) Seriously, though, I already have all those signs you listed. Your scaring me! But, age is all in the mind. I prefer to think I'm still twenty-something. Ha!

  6. You are only as old as you feel. You can still be in your prime if you want to! :o)

  7. Oh, Leah, How right you are! Not to mention that when I look into the mirror I see my mother's eyes and my father's jowls staring back at me. I feel youthful, and in lots of ways this is the best time in my life, but it sure is taking more effort to live it!

    Hmm, it's asking me to type in this word: skrackle. That's the sound made by my right knee going up the stairs, I believe.

  8. LOL! Sounds like you already know me!

    I haven't converted to velcro shoes, but I do leave my laces loose so I can just slip into my shoes, without having to bend over!