Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Weight and See

Everyone seems to be talking about losing weight these days. More than at any time other than the dreaded New Year’s resolutions, it seems to me as if we are all obsessing about our weight. We’re reading about it, we’re talking about it, and of course, we’re blogging about it.

Most of us, of course, want to lose weight; I don’t personally know anyone who’s actually trying to gain weight, although I imagine there are some people out there who are in that boat.

In this boat, the BIG boat, the boat where most of us are pretty sure that our asses make our pants look big, and not the other way around, we are cutting down our eating, and increasing our exercise. Well, for those who haven’t made it all the way to ‘exercise’, at least they are ramping up the activity level, or so they say.

Some of us just have five, or maybe ten pounds to lose, some of us have a whole lot more. Whatever the goal, it’s important to remember that we are all capable of getting there. Of course, I may be 90 by the time I lose the next nine pounds, given how long it’s taken me to lose the first six, but I intend to get there. It seems that my metabolism has deserted me. Since I’m using this boat metaphor, I guess I should say it bailed on me. Gone. Nothing. Nada, niente, zipperooni. But I’m still determined to get there. It’s a process, right? --like so many things.

Anyway, here’s what I have observed about weight:

[And I’m going to use bogus numbers, because like every single woman on the planet most American women, I’d rather get beaten up on the parking lot than tell you my real weight. So let’s pretend my ideal weight is 150, since I’m 5’8” tall in real life. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. According to my doctor, the Department of Motor Vehicles and the yardstick at Six Flags, I’m only 5’2”, but I’m pretty sure that’s a conspiracy to make me feel small. Anyhoo…]

So, with the foregoing in mind, say my ideal weight is 150. Then over the years, aging, imprudent food choices, aging, the lack of exercise and aging brought me to 160. Which I hated, because being 10 pounds over your ideal weight (especially if I really WERE 5’2”) makes your clothes not fit, makes you feel like a bit of a blimp (especially if I WERE 5’2”) and generally saps your energy and confidence. So, I hated seeing 160 on the scale every morning, and couldn’t wait to getting back to exercise and smarter eating and getting back to my best weight.

Then. The holidays. Most years I don’t really put on weight over the holidays, but this year I did. I let the hubster cajole me into joining him in sharing some foods and drinks that were virtually guaranteed to slap some extra avoirdupois on the places I least needed it. I’m not blaming him, mind you—I’m a free-thinking, independent woman who just weakened and indulged when she should not have. Shame on me.

So one day, instead of 160, I see 162. YIKES! I gotta get serious. Then 164. Oh no you dih-uhnt! And at last, 165. [Yeah, you know, not really 165, but 15 pounds above where I should ideally be.] So I’m totally shamed, wanna die, blah, blah, blah… Every new number is another knife blow to my heart.

But here’s the funny thing: Once I started losing weight, the numbers held different meaning. On the way up, 163 was like SHAME and humiliation, and omigod how did I ever let myself gain this weight? But on the way down, I see 163, and say, wow—163! All right! Good for me—I’m looking better already! You know, it’s only three pounds, and now I’ve lost six altogether, which is practically an Olsen twin, so give me some love, people! I’m going to make it happen. And guess what? I’m taking the hubby with me!


  1. Bonjour Leah,

    Funny post on weight loss. I'm a big fan of Erma Bombeck. Congratulations on your award. Blogging is a good platform to publish all our inner demons, jokes our anything in between. I'm in it to enhance my writing skills in English. What I just wrote to you took 10 minutes. My derrière is taking the brunt of it. My new mantra is: less blogging, more exercise!

    Best regards,


  2. There's always something, isn't there? Kids and grandkids are coming, have to buy extra food, especially those good things they really like to eat; we went to the movies and really, really need to stop at Braums (Oklahoma's best ice cream) for a sundae; kids and grandkids have gone home and I've bought too much food so I have it left over and don't want it to go to waste; going to a book discussion and refreshments are served; sweet husband brings home a candy bar, just for me! I'm with you, though -- hope reigns eternal and there's a family reunion in July -- gotta lose those extra pounds!

  3. Very funny post. If funny is the new young - you are very youthful!

    I especially like the revolutionary statement that it is our asses making the jeans look big!

  4. Bonjour Leah,

    If you want you can leave me your e-mail address in a comment. I have comment control and I wont publish of course. Take care.



  5. Isn't it funny how the numbers do take on a different meaning as we lose? I didn't get my whole workout in yesterday before children were awake, so my 3yo tried to do yoga while I did. It was so cute and funny. I think I spent more time laughing.

  6. Oh my,I think I'm so glad (and so sorry) that your metabolism left town too. Maybe our metabolisms are on vacation together somewhere tropical ... wearing bikini's no doubt. So I'll just say I really am 5'8" and my ideal weight I guess is supposed to be 150 and mine is somewhere past the 165 of which you speak. Yes the gaining was awful and when I lose two (pretend from 165 to 163) and I rejoice, then I gain one back (back to 164) and instead of still being happy I'm not back to 165, I am even worse than I was the first time I hit 164. I can't seem to get past the pretend 159, I just go back up to 165 and back down again. So cheer up, you are heading in the right direction and you may be 90 when you reach your goal but I'll be about 105. Wonderful post!