As it has been written:
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
I am my mother after all.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The Chenille Sisters do a fabulous song called, “Help! I’m Becoming My Parents”. They cleverly point out that while we love and admire them, we never thought we would actually turn out to be just like them. When it turns out that we are, we are not happy about it.
I’d like to think that I’m still in my prime –okay, I’d like to think that I sing like Susan Boyle, too, and that’s just another false fantasy—but I must admit that I see signs that I may be evolving (or devolving) into the people who gave me life. As a public service, I’d like to provide a list of the ten deadly warning signs of what I like to call Generational Creep.
1. You are no longer comfortable driving at night.
2. Some desserts are “too rich”. (See footnote: “Alka-Seltzer as a nightcap”)
3. Your idea of the perfect Saturday night is staying home.
4. You are preoccupied with your digestive tract.
5. You think other people are interested in your digestive tract.
6. You have at least one sibling you don’t speak to.
7. You need an afternoon nap in order to stay up for Letterman.
8. You worry about your children’s health insurance.
9. You think your children should be worried about your health insurance.
10. You want Velcro on your tennis shoes.
I think people my age are going to fight this “senior citizen” status till we’re blue in the face, even if it means shunning the all-important senior discount. We grew up in the ‘60s, and we invented sex, drugs and rock and roll. Of course, one look at Mick Jagger on stage should serve as a reminder that we are no longer young and vital. Maybe we can settle for “aging and vital.” Maybe we can settle for “we still have our own teeth.”
All I know is that it’s a slippery slope, and once you start putting pills into a 7-day compartmentalized container, you can just about bend over and kiss your youth, heck, kiss middle-age goodbye. And if you can stand up straight after that, the Motrin’s on the second shelf.